I wrote this last year....and nothing has changed!
Halloween and I have a nine year love/hate relationship. On the whole, he is totally inconsiderate and obtrusive. He barges in, right as I'm enjoying the beauty of Fall, and sugars up my kids like there's no tomorrow. He forces me to either spend a fortune on cheaply made costumes that rip after ten minutes of wear, or attempt to assemble seven of my own. I am no Martha Stewart, and creativity continually manages to elude me, forcing my poor children to suffer. They usually end up walking the streets looking like a cross between a super hero/zombie/tiger, or swimming in a hand me down costume that is three sizes too big. I am costume designingly challenged, and yes, I'm aware that "designingly" is not a word.
To make matters worse, Halloween shoves his monetarily inflated pumpkins in my face, and makes me feel guilty if I do not buy them. Then, when I give in to paying eighty dollars (because everyone has to have their own,) he gives my children the idea to use knives to poke holes in them. Who the hell came up with the idea of encouraging children to wield knives and stab at almost impenetrable, overgrown squash? It was obviously not a parent! So I am left to referee seven armed children who insist on doing the carving themselves. Then after five minutes of butchering the orange orb, the kids start crying because they cannot make it look like a skeleton. So mommy has to come to the rescue and try to carve up the back side so it somewhat resembles a bony face. Again, I'm not Martha Stewart, people! Meanwhile, the other kids all get bored while waiting for their turn, and decide to use the pumpkin innards to start a flinging contest. Have any of you ever tried to scrape dried pumpkin off of a vaulted ceiling? Not an easy feat.
Then, the bastard invites my children to wander the streets, way after their bed time. They neglect homework and barely eat a nibble of my carefully prepared nutritious dinner, in order to get down to business. They need at least a good two hours to load up on cavities...I mean candy. But it doesn't end there. Upon returning home, Halloween allows them to eat a crap load of candy, inducing stomach aches and sugar highs that are very comparable to being on methamphetamine. When they finally turn five shades of green and puke, they retire to bed, still in their costumes, leaving a mountain of candy wrappers all over my living room, for me to clean up. I find half eaten suckers, weeks after he is gone.
Halloween is, by far, the worst holiday ever invented. It is a huge capitalistic ploy by candy companies to, once again, take advantage of innocent consumers. I say, we bill Willy Wonka for our resulting dentist visits! There is one small redeeming factor about Halloween that allows for my undying love, despite all of his negative qualities...leftovers. I am a self professed candy freak. I'm a huge junk food addict, and the spoils of trick or treating are always enough to make me want to endure the annual suffering. My kids do not really care for chocolate, so it is discarded, carelessly on the floor in favor of the sour stuff. Which honestly, puts a smile on my lips because they do not even protest when I scoop it up and hide it in my secret spot.
If you need metomorrow tonight, I will be out on the streets, hating life until about 9:00 pm. After that, however, I will be relaxing in my jacuzzi tub, feasting on the unpopular scraps of chocolate, left to me as a reward for putting up with the greatly despised Halloween.
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I cut off the frilly bottom....(yuck) and hemmed it.
(Prize will vary in color from picture. Open to US and Canadian residents only.)
This is not digitally enhanced. We started marking out the eyes and a tear came rolling down. Smart pumpkin...he knows his fate!