Here's A Taste...

of what you will find over at "The Flush."

www.familymattersuniversity.com

Making More Time For Laundry (and other such boring things)

We never made it to the dentist. Traffic kept us from being able to make it through the pass, so we were stuck at home. How "Little House On The Prairie" does that sound? Except the traffic part. Anyway, I had to reschedule.

Now I have time to dive into the Kilimanjaro sized pile of laundry that needs to be folded. Ugh... I've been avoiding it, which is pretty easy if you put your mind to it. I've easily devised a way to get out of all housework...blogging! When that is no longer effective...vlogging! I seriously need to put myself on a blog limit. One can easily get consumed with networking (or sitting around and wasting time gabbing with other women, as my husband puts it,) and posting stuff on blogs. I'm sure you can all relate.

Last night, Daniel asked, "Are you on the computer a lot during the day?" I assumed that telling him that my laptop goes to the bathroom with me, would not make me look good. So I danced around a direct answer, "Ummm...how much is A LOT?" He just shot me a "Don't be a smart ass" look. I gave a vaguely specific answer that would neither incriminate nor justify my blogging obsession, "Well, it depends on the day." I knew he was not liking my answers. "You are obsessed!" I laughed, "I prefer to call it DRIVEN!" So we agreed to set a schedule and are going to do so tonight. I'm wondering if this means that I get to put a time limit on his obsession with television viewing? After all...fair is fair, right? I plan to suggest that we both fold laundry instead. That idea should last about a week before he's back in front of the TV and I the laptop!

www.familymattersuniversity.com

Sorry...the tooth fairy is broke!

Crappy Tuesday! That's right...I said crappy. That's because I get to take Phillip in to see the dentist. He cracked his front tooth and it is now bleeding on the inside. I should be feeling sorry for him but I am too blinded by huge dollar signs. We have crappy dental insurance and pay out of pocket to see a good dentist. To make matters worse, my kids have the weakest enamel I've ever seen!

So we will be forking out big bucks today, for the dentist to yank the tooth that will probably be coming out this year anyway. I have a good mind to find a pair of pliers, give him a shot of Jim Beam and yank that sucker myself! But that would be wrong....and illegal. So I won't.

Now I'm really wishing that the tooth fairy was real because I cannot afford to keep shoveling out money for pulled teeth! Phillip just may get a celery stick under his pillow with a note that says, "I don't pay for damamged teeth!" I'm kidding, of course. But if you think about how many pulled teeth we have to pay all 7 kids for, it is mind boggling! The tooth fairy needs a raise.

Speaking of crappy...don't forget to head over to The Posh Parent and check out my new vlog "The Flush." I hope you all have a better Tuesday than Phillip and I will be having!

www.familymattersuniversity.com

Don't read this unless you love cute, free stuff!

A LIVE contest is going on HERE...right now!! The 214th commenter wins the necklace you see below. Seriously...I wouldn't shit you. Here's how to win:

1. Click HERE
2. Leave a comment
3. Leave as many comments as you want but they cannot be consecutive (I accidentally broke that rule because I failed to read them. OOOPS! Don't be a Kadi. Read the rules!!)
4. That's it!!!

How cute is this necklace??? I LOVE it and plan on winning. You can prove me wrong by going over there right now and winning it for yourself!

www.familymattersuniversity.com

A New Era Has Dawned!

Wow...that last post was boring and sucked eggs. I apologize profusely.

I'm trying out my new webcam and here is my first ever clip. Excuse the bedhead and clear shot of my nostril hair. Apparently I need to do some angle adjustments! Don't forget to tune in tomorrow to www.theposhparent.ning.com to see my first post on "The Flush" vlog. In the meantime, have a happy Monday and try to stay sane!

www.familymattersuniversity.com

You have been officially RANKED

I was making my rounds to check email, taking a peek at my favorite forums and other such morning rituals, when I saw that people were talking about getting their newly updated Google page rankings. I remember signing up to have my own site ranked, but I cannot remember why.

Anyway, I quickly scooted over to the Womb to see if it had been ranked as well. Indeed, it is now ranked. It was ranked before, lost the ranking when I switched to a custom domain and has now returned. All that's left to ask is...what the hell does a Google page ranking mean? Does it somehow indicate a page's significance? If so, then this blog is pretty damn insignificant with a measly 4 out of 10. You know me...not likely to settle for mediocrity, unless it involves motherhood, (I gave up on being the perfect mom a long time ago.) Everything else, however, is still expected to remain above par. I don't see a 4/10 ranking as above par at all.

What are those Google people trying to do to me? Don't they know I'm an overachieving psychopath who freaks out at low scores? I have a good mind to write them a disgruntled letter, expressing my outrage at their poor decision to rank me so lowly! So I maneuvered back to the forum where other moms were sharing their rankings, prepared to feel very inferior compared to their 8s and 9s. When what to my wondering eyes should appear? Not too many even had a 4. Many have lower rankings and they have great blogs and sites! Before I even went off about my crappy 4, I should have read the whole thread. Apparently, 4 is not so bad, after all. Ooooops. Once again, I'm left standing with my foot in my mouth.

I guess when it comes to blogging...4 is the new 10. I'll just shut up now.

www.familymattersuniversity.com

The "I Made It, You WILL Eat It" Menu

I see all of these bloggers who put menu plans up on their websites and I have to wonder why my weekly menu looks so different? I think it is because we do not diet here at the Innsane. In fact, we are kind of the opposite, because of Daniel Jr's dietary needs and the fact that I need a lot of fat in my diet. Is it gourmet? Hell no. In fact, it is often met with much disdain and complaining. But kids are not easy to please and cooking for seven of them is not a task that leaves room for picky palates. Anyway, here is this week's menu. If you are on a diet, you may not want to try these recipes at home...or anywhere:


Monday:
Fish tacos~ broil fish sticks in oven, place on heated corn tortillas, top with queso fresco, shredded cabbage, pico de gallo and lime sauce (plain yogurt, lime juice and chile/lemon salt.) Eat and don't complain.


Tuesday:
Cowboy Pasta~ cook penne & drain, add grilled chicken strips, chopped olives, pico de gallo, black beans, corn, sour cream sauce (sour cream, chili seasoning& half jar of prepared alfredo sauce) and top w/shredded Mexican cheese. Chow down buckaroo.


Wednesday:
Girl Scout Tacos~ brown ground turkey, add can of chili beans. Put meat/bean mixture on top of tortilla chips. Top with shredded cheese, sour cream, chopped tomatoes, shredded lettuce and salsa. Eat it or go to bed hungry.


Thursday:
Sassy Shrimp Pasta~ cook whole wheat angel hair pasta& drain. Saute cooked shrimp in butter& garlic. Cook chopped spinach and drain. Add 1 can of drained Italian style tomatoes & spinach to shrimp and simmer for five minutes. Add shrimp mixture to pasta and top with Parmesan. Pretend you like it, even if you don't.


Friday:
Roast Beef Sandwiches~ Cook garlic rubbed chuck roast in crock pot for 8-10 hours on low. Shred beef. Saute red bell pepper strips and onion with garlic and a pinch of salt. Layer roast beef, provolone cheese and red pepper mix on hoagie rolls spread with mayo. Add lettuce and tomato if desired. Finish it all or no dessert.


Saturday:
Left overs. Yum....pick the one dinner you hated the least and pretend you like it....again.


Sunday:
Sunday dinner~ Whole chicken cooked in the oven. My famous garlic/cheese mashed potatoes (sorry, I don't have a recipe.) Steamed veggies and garlic bread. Thank God you even get a home cooked meal and choke it down!

www.familymattersuniversity.com

The Innsane Sleepover

We ended up with eleven kids at our house last night. No, it was not a birthday party. How does this type of thing happen? Well, when one kid gets to invite a friend over, the rest feel equally entitled to asking one of their own friends to stay the night. Voila! Eleven kids. I just feel fortunate that only the older kids have friends outside of their siblings, otherwise we'd have fourteen kids and that would be just ridiculous!

I ran to the store, stocked up on ice cream, popcorn, breakfast stuff and ear plugs. We played games, watched movies and fought off the sandman until 11pm. Even I stayed awake, which is unusual! Come sunrise, they were up and ready for breakfast. We made fruit salad and monkey bread. Now, they are outside jumping on the trampoline and waking up the neighbors. Aren't you glad you don't live near us??

www.familymattersuniversity.com

Tidbits From The Inn-er Sanctum

My cell phone rang in the middle of the craft store, today. "Hello?" It was my husband, Daniel, sounding perturbed.


D: Do you hate me?
K: Almost never, why?
D: Then why would you order me a girly check card?
K: Oh, I didn't realize that you would get one too. I ordered myself a new check card and apparently they sent you one too.
D: I can't use this! It's bad enough when you do a glittery craft and your damn glitter ends up everywhere...including my face. This is just not okay.
K: Ok, we will all the bank and see if you can keep your old one.
D: Thanks honey.
K: No problem.

Men! I honestly don't know what he got so worked up about (snicker, snicker):

www.familymattersuniversity.com

Oh great....another poll!

Yes, I know. I have become the queen of polls lately. So sue me...(please don't, I'm broke.) Anyway, if you have not already heard (and you probably have not since I haven't said anything about it yet,) I am going to start a vlog over at The Posh Parent. It wont be anything fancy, just a weekly (Tuesday) 5 minute video blog post about random thoughts on motherhood. It may be the most hilarious thing you've ever seen...or not. Anywhoooo, I need help picking a name for the vlog so I'm posting the poll below to allow you to vote for your favorite title:

Online Surveys & Market Research

...and if you have not already joined The Posh Parent, then get over there and check it out!

www.familymattersuniversity.com

WTFroglegs Friday

If you ever come to my house and I tell you to go away, do not take offense. It's not that I don't like you or that I don't want to talk (Obviously I am never at a loss for words!) If I refuse to stand and chat it is because this is the type of shit that happens when I try to be polite and listen to a neighbor or friend ramble on incessantly and I do not know where my kids have run off to. Being polite just doesn't pay in this house. Why? Because I was blessed with children who know how to climb on each others shoulders to reach no no things like acrylic paint.


Ummmm...you're a little young for a beard, aren't you?

...on the walls, the mirrors, their faces, ...

The purses I bought for the Fall Boutique!

Luckily I planned on keeping this one and the rest escaped with narry a mark!

I think that they were trying to glue my butt to the seat.

Seriously...is it noon yet because I really need a drink...and neighbors who don't talk so much!

www.familymattersuniversity.com

Dork Button For The Queens

Here you go! Wear it with pride:

<a href="http://www.wombattheinnsane.com" target="_blank"><img src="http://i238.photobucket.com/albums/ff270/kadiprescott/dc_kmf_cdalbum_back5.png" alt="QueenOfDorks" /></a>

www.familymattersuniversity.com

Queens Of Dorkdom!

Happy Friday, guests of the Inn(sane)! We have two ladies to crown Queen this morning!

The first is Sarah C., Queen of awkward phases!

and Toni, Queen of the Crap we do when nobody is looking!

Here is her video link for those who did not get the pleasure of seeing it:

http://s55.photobucket.com/albums/g136/bellasmommy617/Videos/?action=view&current=100_0032.flv

Congrats Ladies! You get your pick of a Sephora Gift card or a T-Shirt from the Defiant Mom store! A big 'Thank You' goes out to all of you who took the time to submit and vote! Now go and show these ladies some love by visiting their blogs :)

Sarah's Blog: http://shmopsmomtips.blogspot.com/

Toni's Blog: http://www.juststopscreaming.com/

I'll be back later to post a button for the winners to proudly display and this morning's Oh Shitballs moment...you won't wanna miss it!

www.familymattersuniversity.com

The Dorkiest Finalists EVER!

Please vote for one number in each poll. Scroll down to see the submissions and their corresponding numbers. Polls close at 11:59 pm tonight!!

Online Surveys & Market Research

Online Surveys & Market Research

www.familymattersuniversity.com

Innsane Terminology

In case you're new here, I'd like to explain some of my terminology. I use certain terms, like other bloggers, but mine are not initials like DH or DD (I truthfully don't quite know what all of those mean.) I use things like " Oh Shitballs!" when I am stressed, annoyed or surprised. I reserve "Holy Shitballs!" for extreme situations. Hmmmm....what else?

"Son of a motherless goat" is a term used when I'm referring to a person who I am not particularly fond of, like Nosey Neighbor Lady, or when I'm pissed. "Bucket full of buttholes" means that something really stinks. As in: My van smells like a bucket full of buttholes because my kids left the whole bag of crickets in it yesterday and the stench of dead rotting cricket carcass permeated the van's interior, on top of the fact that my dog decided to take a dump in the only unreachable part of the trunk. True story. That really did happen yesterday and we were gagging all the way down the hill today.

Which brings me to my next term: "WTFroglegs?" As in: WTFroglegs was I thinking when I decided to get a dog? As if seven kids making poop messes wasn't enough? I'm trying to clean up my trucker mouth and not say the real F word. I still say things with the word in "Shit" because I can't just quit cussing cold turkey.

I think I've covered them all. I'll be announcing the finalists in the Embrace Your Inner Dork (or outer dork in some cases) Contest in a few minutes and voting will begin!

www.familymattersuniversity.com

Scout Somewhere Else

So I got a phone call today from a friend whose daughter attends my kids' school. They need a Girl Scout leader for their new troop and want to know if am interested in putting Marlie in their troop. I know that Marlie is a smart girl but I was pretty sure that she would not be old enough to be a troop leader. She has not even bridged to Juniors yet. Then again, some kids go straight from elementary school to college, so I guess anything is possible!

In actuality, they wanted me to become the leader and just have Marlie be a scout. I immediately started mentally computing my schedule....Hmmm..."If I just push this over to here and stay up an extra five hours at night...." It was not adding up very well, to be honest. However, I am not a person who has an easy time of saying the word, "No." So I told my friend that I would do it. After hanging up, my little shoulder devil screamed in my ear, "You idiot!!! What did you just do? I need my sleep and you keep piling more shit on!"

Even my shoulder angel was unhappy with my obvious lack of testicles. "Kadi dear, you really should have told her no. You are a very busy woman." I flicked them both off, "Oh shut up. The both of you. I will figure this out." At that very moment, my husband walked in. "Why do you have that look on your face?" he greeted me. Shitballs, was it that obvious? "Well, I was just thinking that maybe we should put Marlie back into Girl Scouts." He just shook his head and grabbed a beer. I proceed to tell him why Girl Scouts is essential for growing girls. "I don't think it is a good idea, Kadi," he answered. I decided to come clean and plead my case.

I told him that they really needed a leader and that I could readjust my already crammed schedule to make an hour a week to fulfill my duties (which was a huge lie since I know damn well how much time a GS leader has to spend training and prepping.) He cocked his eyebrows, "Did I say no? I'm sorry....I meant HELL NO! If you shove one more thing into our already bursting at the seams lives, I will be forced to clone or divorce you." So that was the end of that. I love my husband too much to be divorced and therefor cannot be a GS leader. From over in the corner of the kitchen, I heard my shoulder friends chime in unison, "We told you so!" So I went over and gave them a good kick.

I'm soooo dreading the phone call to my friend, come morning. I do not know how to let her down. Why the hell do I have to be such a damn people pleaser? Anyone know a scientist who is capable of cloning?

www.familymattersuniversity.com

Need A Break?

Me too! My business partner, Cherish, and I started our party planning company after realizing that women do not have enough down time and networking opportunities. Stay at home moms, business women and work at home moms all have something in common, the need to get out and meet other women. Moms groups are nice, but they exclude the childless women. Business mixers are great, but not for moms who work out of their homes. So we combined the two worlds and created a night for all ladies. We call it:

Ladies Night!

Jealous? Don't be! Come and join us at Fillipi Winery in Rancho Cucamonga, CA tomorrow night. I'm talking about wine tasting, shopping, yummy food and raffle prizes. Plus....NO MEN!!! I can't wait for tomorrow night! I hope to see you all there! For more info, visit our company website: http://www.cherishedeventsllc.com/

www.familymattersuniversity.com

Welcome to the dork parade!

The following are true accounts and portaits of dorkiness. Scroll through them, have a laugh and then leave the number of your favorite ones in the comments section:

1. When I was in second grade, my family and I went to Disney World and I pooped in the hotel pool. I didn't tell anyone and when the pool got closed down, my mom was complaining about how people don't take their kids to the bathroom, etc. Well we get back to the room and lo and behold, it was me who did it.




2. In 4th grade I had to get glasses. I hated having to wear them, but I couldn't see anything. I decided that I would be better off not wearing them. Well I turned a corner and walked right into a wall. I had two black eyes and a bloody nose. I wore those glasses since then.



3. In 7th grade I liked this boy. I was embarrassed because I had never kissed a boy before and thought that I would never get that chance. Well after school he leaned in to kiss me and we kind of just sat there opened mouthed. It was weird, sloppy and kind of like kissing a large mouth bass.




4. When I met my very first boyfriend, I told him that my name was Melissa because I, at that time, hated my name. We started dating and it was about 3 or 4 weeks into dating before I came clean about my name. I was 16 by the way.




5. I was at a swim team party when I was 17 and we decided to go toilet papering. I was laughing so hard I peed my pants and totally humiliated myself.




6.I was in the 8th grade. I was a competitive swimmer (dorky) and it was our first day at swim camp. The counselor split us into pairs so we could "get to know each other" the CUTEST boy in the world sat next to me. We talked, I smiled, batted my eyes. Then the counselor informed us we would be taking turns introducing our partners. My partner stands says "this is Amy she is outgoing and friendly"....then it happened. Gas pains then I released quite possibly the loudest fart in the world. I immediately did what any other dork would do...I looked at the girl next to me and said "oh my, that was disgusting." It didn't work everyone knew and I became known as "fart girl" for an entire week.




7. I began a new job at an accounting firm. One of my first duties was to apply stamps to the envelope of our yearly open house event. As I was applying them to the upper left hand corner, like all other dorks, my supervisor looks over my shoulder and says "well that is certainly an interesting way of affixing postage. I will call the post office and make sure they can accept them."
MAJOR OFFICE DORK.
I have included the directions for applying stamps that now sits in my desk.. Totally Dorky!



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Video submissions will be posted in the post below, so make sure you look at those too before you leave your favorite #s!