How Are We Still Married?

My temperament sorter results were only one part of what I wanted to share with you all. The fact that I am totally opposite my husband, in every aspect of the Keirsey Temperament Sorter Test, is what I want to share with you today....and for good reason. This raises an interesting question. Is it true that opposite people cannot have a lasting marriage/relationship and why or why not?

According to the Sorter, I am an ENFP (extroversion, intuiting, feeling, perceiving.) Just as with my results, my husband's temperament results came as no surprise. He is an ISTJ (introversion, sensing, thinking, judging.) Our results were both to extremes with nothing on the fence. In other words....we are on opposite ends of the spectrum with regards to our temperaments. My first thought was, "Oh crap...how will we ever stay married if we are so opposite?" I am this daydreaming, overly emotional, extra sensory perceptive, lover of the arts and socializing, go out and experience the world type girl. He is a realist, black and white, lover of order and rationale, thrifty, stay at home kind of guy. How the hell are we still married? Simply put, there is more to a relationship than having compatible temperaments. So I thought about it and here is what I've come up with:


Sure, we have a tough time understanding each other's thought processes. Sometimes it leads to deep conversation about our views points and sometimes it ends in stubborn standoffs. Either way, we both value the same ideals when it comes to life and family and that is why we get along. We respect each other's differences (or try to,) and work through them when we have to apply them to our family. Our goals are the same, but the means to reaching them is what we often have to work on.

I often hear people talk about ending their marriage because they just couldn't get along with their spouse or that as they got to know each other, they realized how different they really were. I find that puzzling because self discovery and discovery of your spouse/partner is part of any relationship. Yes, there will be things that you find annoying, difficult or completely opposite your own ways. Look at Daniel and I....we couldn't be more different in our characters. However, if a couple has shared goals (which should be present before you decide to get married) and a true commitment, then the rest can be worked out. Trust me on this. Unless it is something huge, like one partner changing sexual orientation, abuse or other such instances, your innate temperamental differences can be resolved or even work to create balance.

Daniel and I try to see how our differences help balance out our home life. He does not allow me to spend us into debt, which I totally would if given the chance. I help him to appreciate feelings and the importance of being a nurturing parent, which he struggles with. I am working on teaching him to be more compassionate. He is working on teaching me to be less impulsive (a losing battle if you ask me!) No matter how hard it is for us to comprehend each other and how many little disagreements it causes, we both know that our commitment to each other stands firm and unbending. Our opposite temperaments are never reason to give up on our relationship. They are just part of who we are and teach us to see the world though each other's eyes....no matter how blind we may think the other is :)


So in summation, I think that couples with even the most extreme differences in temperament can succeed in having a lasting, loving relationship. Are you and your spouse/partner different? How do you handle those differences? Leave your thoughts in the comments section.

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