The Art Of Angry Fighting

Driving home from doing some business with my partner (I can never say that word without feeling like I have to follow by saying "Business partner, not lesbian partner." The gay community has really made that word a difficult one to use. Thanks fellas.) Anyway, I was driving home, sipping on some iced tea and listening to some bullshit advice show that comes on at night. They always give some really "no shit" ideas that make me feel angry for having wasted my time listening to them. But I was switching to a new disk and heard the disc jockey say, "Next on the totally useless advice for your life show...How to fight lovingly by Dr. Smartypants."

Ummmm...excuse me? I don't know about you, but when I'm pissed at my spouse, good manners, loving feelings and normal self restraint go straight down the shitter. Usually, I fly way off the handle, get overly emotional and say some things that I later regret. But dammit...it just feels good to get the anger out. Sure, I suppose I could fight nicely, but it just wouldn't give me that satisfaction of getting really angry, blowing off my steam and then being remorseful. It is a cycle that we do not experience too often in our marriage and when it happens, we usually have a pretty ugly discussion and some great making up afterward. What fun would make up sex be if there was no angry blow out before hand? Here's an example of what I'm talking about:

Mr. and Mrs. Lovebird's Fight

Mrs: "Honey, I really feel hurt that you forgot that I need you to watch the kids tonight"
Mr: "Oh, I'm sorry dear. I didn't realize that I had committed to watching the kids tonight.I am working late, so I will not be able to."
Mrs: "I would appreciate it if we could keep each other abreast of plans and devise some sort of joint calendar, in the future. That way, I can feel like my plans are just as important and you will always be in the know."
Mr. "Yes, that seems reasonable."
Mrs: "Okay, I'll find a sitter and see you when you get home."

Mr. and Mrs. Dirtybird's Fight

(My husband would like to emphasize that the following couple

is totally fictional and is not really us. Okay...on with the fight.)

Mrs: "Ummm...hello? What do you mean you are working late tonight? You promised to watch the kids."

Mr: "Yeah, but I forgot and I have a job. That job pays our bills."

Mrs: "Oh...so my appointments aren't as important as your job because you pay the bills?"

Mr: "You are being dramatic."

Mrs: "You are being a butt hole."

Mr: "You need to calm down."

Mrs: "Don't tell me what to do. Maybe you should keep your promises and then I won't have to get so angry!"

Mr: "Maybe you should actually remind me of your 500 appointments so I can keep my promises!"

Mrs: "If it was poker night, you would sure as hell remember!"

Mr: "I'm only human. Why can't we make some kind of joint calendar that keeps track of this stuff so this doesn't happen."

Mrs: "Okay.... that sounds good. I'm sorry I yelled and called you a butt hole."

Mr: "I'm sorry that I forgot about tonight."

Mrs: "Are you too late for work to make up?"

Mr: "Never."

See how that works? You get your cake and are able to eat it too! Dysfunctional...maybe. But it beats the hell out of getting an ulcer caused by holding in your feelings of anger and the bonus of an emotionally charged make up session! Those doctors think they are so smart...