Random Questions That Do Not Really Need An Answer

• Why is it that when you finally finish getting your child dressed, shoes on, in the car, buckled up and your backing out of the driveway...they suddenly realize that they were wrong about not having to pee?
• Why is it that when you call 411, the operator prompts you to press 1 for information. Excuse me, but why else would I be calling? It just seems a tad redundant, is all I'm saying.
• How is it possible that you clean the whole van... every crack, crevice and car seat, yet the baby will still be found chomping on a fuzzy, week old apple slice by the time that you get to your destination?
• Why do moms sit around and complain about how naughty their kids have been, but if someone else dares call them naughty, they suddenly have nothing but praises to sing in defense their demon spawn?
• Why is it that the moment you finish cleaning the house, the kids run in with muddy feet, slip on the wet floor, knock over a whole glass of juice on their way down and then blame you for mopping?
• Why do all of the kids fight over the red cup? What the hell is so great about a red cup? I'm about to go paint every single cup red.
• Why do we struggle to lose our baby weight so we can fit into our pre baby jeans and then when we do, we realize that they don't fit the same anyway and they flatten our now squishy buttocks and cry anyway?
• Why do we bother taking our kids out to shop for new school clothes when we know damn well that they will come home after wearing them once, with huge holes in the knees? Why don't we just buy them already thrashed looking apparel and save ourselves the frustration?
• Why do we force ourselves into bathing suits that are designed for models, every single year, instead of joining forces to declare baggy frocks the hottest style in swimwear?
• Why do we bother packing healthy lunches for our kids every morning, when we know that they are just going to trade them for Twinkies and Koolaid?
• Why do we ask our husbands if our outfits make us look (fat, ugly, flat chested)? If we have to ask, then doesn't that mean that we have doubts and should just go change rather than take a chance at trusting a man who is staring intently at the TV screen and just pretending to be interested in your question?
• Why do they keep releasing new and improved versions of products? Wouldn't it just make sense to get it right the first time?
• Why do we answer "Fine" when people ask how we are? Why don't we tell them how we are really doing? They obviously want to hear about our PMS, our bratty kids, our horrible job and that our underwear are giving us an uncomfortable wedgie because hey...they asked, right?
• Why can our husbands remember countless sports stats, playoff dates and players names, yet can never remember that we have a calendar on the wall with important events and act offended when we tell them that they forgot about date night?
• Why do we bother pouring a cup of coffee in the morning when we know damn well that we will not get a chance to drink it until all of the kids have had breakfast, been bathed, sent out to play and the coffee is a cool 60 degrees?
• Why do the kids spend all day ignoring us and avoiding us until we want to sit on the toilet and pee in peace or have a five minute phone conversation, signaling to them the need to track us down and incessantly whine that they need you?
• Why do toddlers so rapidly learn to say "Shut up," "Doodie head" and other assorted frowned upon terms and repeat them in public, rather than the names of shapes that we have been so fervently trying to ingrain in their little minds for weeks?
• Why do we moms spend 9 months complaining about school projects, homework, teachers, crappy cafeteria food, dismissal times, sitting in the car line, fundraisers, PTA drama and endless other school related issues...then pray for it to be back in session for the three months we have off?