Satan's A$$ and My Face...a perfect match

Waxing. It's the not so great American past time of the majority of females, including me. I wax because if I don't, I will look like a werewolf. In fact, my side burns are so hairy that I have to use the strips that are designed for legs, just to get all of the hair. Gross, I know. But it's a fact of life. So today I realized that my sideburns were starting resemble Elvis Presley's. I grabbed the leg sized strips and began my hair removal routine.
I was almost ready to place the strip on my jaw line/ear/cheek area when a child screamed a blood curdling scream. The strip accidentally caught a cluster of long hairs and I tried to yank it away before it got hold of more. Unfortunately, I made a little bald spot right above my ear. Shitballs!
I finished waxing the burns and went to get the pain relieving oil that comes in the wax package. I found only the topless, empty bottle in the cupboard. Shitballs! So I grabbed the next best thing, sunburn spray. Surely the aloe would have a soothing effect on my reddened sideburns and bald spot. I sprayed it on. A firey sensation torched my already irritated areas. I looked at the ingredient list on the bottle. As I scanned the list, I realized that it was not my sunburn spray. It was Daniel's spray bottle of Tinactin. I had just used anti fungal foot spray on my newly waxed face. Shitballs!
I'm leaving in a half an hour to pick up the kids. I have not showered. My teeth have fuzzy green sweaters keeping them warm. I smell like a festering heap of compost. And now....my face is blazing hot and as red as Satan's hiney. Oh well, at least I won't have to worry about getting athlete's foot on my sideburns!
Happy Friday!